Today, classrooms are buzzing with pre-vacation energy today as students all over the country anticipate the end of the school day and the beginning of February vacation week!
In NH, where I live, survey says that many kids are heading to the outdoors for some skiing, snowboarding, sledding, snow tubing, ice skating, snowshoeing, ice fishing or winter hiking. Lots of kids are looking forward to sleeping in, hanging out with friends and more computer and video game time. Computer time ... hmmmmmm. As much as I enjoy and encourage face to face, eye to eye interactions with my clients, I must say that modern technology has transformed my work with teenagers into a whole new, much more efficient world. Email, instant messaging, texting and social media make connecting, sharing information and coordinating things simple, easy, and fast! However, connecting with teens in the e-world makes me keenly aware of some of the issues, concerns and even dangers that technology poses to teens, adults communities and our society. Yesterday, a conversation about Valentine's Day led to a teen sharing the story of her friends' recent breakup. The breakup was posted on Facebook shortly after it happened. Within a short time, a bunch of people jumped into the conversation. The conversation quickly polarized. Parents jumped in to defend their child. It escalated. Soon, a very personal and painful experience for two teens who really care about each other turned into a cyber-bullying fiasco with lots of people involved and with very real possiblities for significant legal action. Unfortunately, this is a scenario that is quite common and very unfortunate for all involved. To top it off, schools across the country are being challenged to address outside-of-school online issues as in-school issues as this online behavior often affects students' rights to feel safe in school as well as their right to an education. So, what's a parent to do? How can you navigate this sometimes overwhelming, ever-changing world of technology? Here is a pretty comprehensive resource to help you navigate the world of e-parenting. http://www.parentfurther.com/technology-media Also provided is a link to a facebook contract that you may want to evaluate and use with your teens. Pass the Torch Facebook Contract Finally, a quote (I love quotes!) that challenges us all to consider that technology is no excuse for the lack of basic human kindness, compassion, and integrity we strive to teach our kids in our face to face interations. "Social media should be no different than "real life." If we have nothing kind to say...perhaps we should say nothing at all. Today, please help me to create a positive shift in facebook’s energy. Inspire your friends by sharing this idea and then post a message that will lift spirits and open hearts. When used for good, social media has the power to change lives and the world." ~Michael Chase from www.thekindnesscenter.com Practice self-care.
Talk a walk on the beach...get a massage...read a book...forgive someone...make the doctor appointment you've been putting off...go to the gym...do the things that you never make time for but feed your spirit...clean up some "incompletes" in your life. Self-care is a positive action because when we take good care of ourselves we are able to give the best of ourselves. This week: Relax. Renew. Rejuvenate! Provided with permission from Positivity Nation at www.postivitynation.com We're back in the sexuality education classroom today for a continuing discussion about teen brains, support systems, awkward discussion topics and changing relationships between teens. peers and parents. First the facts The transition from teen brain to adult brain completes in the early to mid-twenties. In the 8th grade, when asked who they would rather talk to about a problem or who they would go to for advice, most kids say it depends on the topic. My classroom survey consistently reveals 3 topics that 95% of teens aged 14 and over choose NOT to talk about with their parents: sex, alcohol and drugs. About 80% of 8th graders and about 95% of high school students would rather talk to friends than to adults to get more information about sex, drugs, alcohol or to get support for a problem. Many teens state they may talk to their parents about these topics in general, however when it comes to their own curiousity about sex, drugs and alcohol or their actual participation or use, the numbers shift dramatically toward 95% not talking. Many parents believe that their kids are talking to them openly about whether or not they are having sex, using alcohol or other drugs. Truth is, the numbers simply simply don't match! From my experience running a confidential teen reproductive health clinic serving teens 14 through 21, I can state with confidence that there is a time lapse between the initiation of sex and substance use and the time when most kids talk openly with their parents. That fact, coupled with the fact that most teens report that they prefer to talk to their peers is a breeding ground for dangerous risk behavior with long term consequences. So what's a parent to do? Encourage your teen develop an adult support system to pick up where they leave you off! Guide them towards adults you trust to support them! In my classroom work with preteens and teens, I suggest 5 people from 5 places in their lives to comprise their support system. People they feel comfortable going to for help, support, information and resources. The people on their list have to be over the age of 25 so they are working with adult brains. I encourage teens to talk to their peers for support but remind them that their peers brains are just like theirs! Many teens even report talking to their animals, which I strongly encourage! My dog gives me undivided attention and my cat never leaves my lap, purring all the while I share my secrets ... but they have yet to help me come up with an action plan :) Most kids include at least one of their parents on their list. But just parents is simply not enough! When prompted, kids identify the following people as potential prospects for thier support systems: best friend's mom or dad, teacher, guidance counselor, coach, counselor, aunt or uncle, older cousin, older brother or sister, friend of the family, neighbor, representative from a youth serving agency, such as a teen outreach worker. Help your teen identify the people that can support them and know that ultimately, they need to have a list they are comfortable with. The purpose of this list is multi-faceted. I encourage kids to include non-judgemental people they can talk to about a problem as well as someone they can call to get them out of a jam, i.e. a party gone bad, a scarey dating situation, a ride to avoid driving under the influence. Keep in mind the people on their list must show up in support. It's their own list. If anyone on their list gives conditional support that makes getting out of a difficult situation a hassle, then they have the right to cross that person off their support list. It is their list ... and the intention of the list is to support them no matter what. Period. A special note to parents Your kids want your support. They know that you will hold them accountable for their actions ... and between you and I, they secretly hope you will! The most important thing you can do for your teen is to be clear about what your values are and why. That said, be clear that it may take some time for your teen to assume your values as their own or come up with their adult value system. Therein lies some tumultuous times! So, if your kid calls you to help get them out of a scarey situation, just go and help them ... no questions, no conversations, no reprimands, no accountability or no consequences until things have descalated, until every one is safe, straight and sober, and until everyone can calmly communicate. It may even take a day or two to get there, but it's worth the wait in terms of connecting with your teen! If that is not possible for you to do, you might just find yourself crossed of your own teen's support list. Remember, their support list is theirs. It is intended to support them with problems, issues and situations they need help with. It's to get them out of a dangerous or scarey situation. Period. Need some support? In some ways, based on my years of working with teens and risk behavior, I understand your teen's behavior better than most parents do. But as a parent, you know your teen better than anyone does. Together ... think of the possiblities for you and your teen! In my middle and high school sexuality curricula, teen brain development is an important part of the discussion. Teens are particularly intrigued with the changes in their thoughts and behaviors during adolescence. Understanding teen brain development and the resultant behavior is also important for parents, teachers and all adults who serve and/or make decisions that impact teens.
I often begin the discussion by asking teens the question, "How many of you have ever done something that you knew you could get in trouble for, but decided to do it anyway? In the 7th grade, about 40% of kids raise their hands. In 8th grade classes, about 80% of kids raise their hands. In 9th and 10th grade classes, nearly 100% of kids raise their hands. My next question is, "Why did you do it?". As i go around the room, the answers include the following: "it seemed like a good idea at the time." "it was fun." "to get back at my parents" "because my friends were doing it" and a whole lot of "I have no clue" or "I don't know" or "I have no idea what I was thinking" along with a whole bunch of shoulder shrugging. Have you ever asked a teen, "What were you thinking when you did that?" Have you been frustrated when they answer by simply shrugging their shoulders or saying "I don't know?" The truth is, due to the state of their brain development, they most likely don't know what they were thinking in the moment. They most likely weren't thinking about the long term consequences and probably not thinking about the effect of their behavior on others. When I do this activity in the classrrom, teens are both interested and intrigued in this aspect of their brain development. Not only does knowledge equal power ... it also helps them understand themselves during a time where life can get pretty confusing. Truth is, they have some power here. Similar to lifting weights to build a certain muscle or muscle groups, we can "train the brain" to fire along certain pathways, therefore affecting neuronal firing and promoting better choices. We talk about personal values and practice refusal and delay skills to support the process. Teens report that it is often easier for them to predict the consequences for others than it is to see them for themselves. Therefore, we can enhance peer influence by providing kids with accurate information, encouraging and helping teens to identify adult support systems and increasing access to support services. More tomorrow about how to help your teen develop an effective support system and how to deal with the topics your teens won't talk about. I LOVE working with teens! I love their energy, their passion, their creativity, their insight, and their ability to live fully in the moment!
I LOVE my understanding of the teen brain and how it helps me to understand their moods, concerns, passion, priorities, and stressors. I mostly LOVE how this understanding helps me relate to teens so well and how it helps connect with who they really are and to help engage them in a positive direction. as well as how it helps me facilitate communication between teens and the adults who support and inspire them! The key for me is understanding what's going on in the teen brain ... behind the attitude, behind the risky behavior, and inside the body that looks like an adult but is still a kid. Check out this interactive primer A Parent's Guide to the Teen Brain provided to you with permission by the Partnership for a Drug Free America. And while you're there, feel free to explore this comprehensive website! http://teenbrain.drugfree.org/ Leave your comments, questions, and let me know what you think! Stop complaining! If you catch yourself complaining, STOP! Find a way to reframe your comments and thoughts. Look for solutions. This does take practice so be patient with yourself. Journal your progress for the week. Reward yourself when you go 24 hours without complaining, then repeat this again for the next 24 hours. You'll be amazed how good you feel...and yes this is contagious!
Engage a partner, friend or coworker. Work together to raise awareness of complaining and reframe negatives into positives! It is amazing how this simple exercise can transform an individual, a relationship, a classroom, a workplace. “Don’t find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain.” ~ Henry Ford A Year of Positive Action is shared with permission by www.positivitynation.com ... one of my favorite websites to support positivity in our lives! I recently did a series of trainings with teachers and students during which I used kinesiology to demonstrate the impact of positive and negative thoughts on an individual's personal energy. I also presented a couple of techniques that help provide protection from the negative energetic influences in our environment. Despite a few skeptics who come out when I do presentations like this, the response was great! However some feedback I've gotten over the past couple of days has been even more wonderful! One boy, an eighth grader, thanked me for showing him the power of energy and for explaining how negativity might show up in our lives. He also thanked me for teaching him how to protect himself. I asked if he was willing to share more specifics about how it had helped him. He explained that he lives in a pretty challenging family environment. His Dad drinks alot. He doesn't get along with his Dad at all and is frustrated with his Mom for the situation. Almost every night there is conflict. The boy explained that now, when the conflict begins and sometimes before he walks into his house, he protects himself using one of the techniques I demonstrated. He has noticed is that he no longer reacts to his Dad. The situation hasn't changed, but his reaction to it has. No more sarcasm. No more arguing. And no moregrounding or punishment. He now spends more time relaxing in his own space with his music and connecting with friends over technology. He knows he can't change his Dad although he would like to, but he is learning small ways he can change himself. The second story comes from a sixth grade teacher who experienced the training. He decided to present the demonstration to his class to set the tone of positivity for the new semester. I ran into him on a chairlift at a local mountain. He told me that the activity has transformed his classroom. Students are holding each other accountable for negative comments telling offenders that they only want good energy in their classroom! They are helping each other reframe negatives into positives and helping each other turn complaining into finding solutions! Yesterday, I presented a similar training to a group of health care professionals. We talked alot about the power of negativity on health and wellness. The science behind this is exciting and I predict it will have huge impact on the way we deliver health care in the next five years. In the meantime, trust me with this ... Thoughts become things ... so think the good ones! ~Mike Dooley, www.tut.com "Always be a first‐rate version of yourself, instead of a second‐rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
What are your core values? What is your purpose for being here? Where does your passion lie? Do you have a personal mission statement? How is this expressed in your life? How do you encourage the same self‐discovery process in your child? I often wonder what the world would look and feel like if every teen and every adult had the opportunity to explore these questions, discover their unique answers, break through any beliefs that limit or block their expression and then be given the tools and support to create their lives around the answers and live their fullest expression. For some people, I'll bet this post elicits some resistance, a few "yes,buts ...", some concern about fitting in to our society's mold of what a successful life looks like. For me, this idea elicits excitement, movement, sparks of creative energy and high vibration, and a field of limitless possibility! Perhaps that is why I love my work. Teens perceive the world with a brain that is not hard‐wired. Adults often see that as a bad thing … particularly when risky decisions lead to challenging consequences. On the other hand, teens live fully present in the moment. They take risks which are often fun, creative and expansive.They love to question and challenge the status quo. They love to dream. They love to express their creativity, their thoughts, their ideas. They love to share their perspectives and solutions to the problems that adults aren't able to solve in their sometimes "too hard‐wired" world. All we need to do is establish rapport, ask the questions, give them permission to take the journey, provide a framework that offers gentle guidance and forgo all judgement. And finally, simply trust the process and bear witness to the miracles that emerge! Coaching teens to find passion, purpose and authenticity … It's what I do best and love most! Coaching the adults who support, inspire and educate them helps to create family, school and work environments that support teens and expand success for all! I'm ready to travel with you, your teen or our group. Contact me so we can begin the journey! Event + Response = Outcome
The basic idea behind this Principle is this. In life, events happen. There is really nothing we can do to change them. It is our response to an event that determines the outcome that we end up with. The only part of the equation that we really have any control over is our response. This Principle suggests that we take 100% responsibiltiy for our lives and for our responses to the events of our lives. No more blaming others or complaining about the outcomes we are experiencing, but rather consciously choosing to spend our time and energy focused on our responses to life events in order to effect the outcomes. When first introduced to this Principle, I found myself justifying alot ... thinking, yes, but he said ... or they did ... or what about that. Today, to the best of my ability, I look at the outcome I am experiencing. If I don't like it, I decide what I can do differently to change it. The actions are not always easy, but the outcomes are always better. At times I've had to set boundaries with the people I love, practice tough love, decline a lucrative contract with a difficult client, forego a social engagement and opt for rest and rejuvenation. Sometimes, hidden beneath the outcomes I am experiencing are patterns created by limiting beliefs that I've been carrying around for years that need to be released. And finally, I am always grateful for the lesson, the insight, and the shift that consciously choosing my responses to the events in my life provides. Read more about this principle in this article by Jack Canfield at http://www.jackcanfield.com/blogs/jacks-blog/item/435-take-100-responsibility-for-your-life-starting-today.html Encourage a child.
You may never know what an important impact you make. Investing time in a child is investing in the future! "Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future” ~John F Kennedy Shared with permission by Positivity Nation at www.positivitynation.com, in cooperation with Teen Clinic at White Mountain Community Health Center at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Teen-Clinic-at-White-Mountain-Community-Health-Center/143662842351818 I got a call, out of the blue, from a dear old friend who reconnected to my website on Facebook. I am amazed at the power of the internet and social media and how it supports connnection! But that is another topic for another day ...
Yesterday, me and my friend chatted for awhile about the past, our process and the present. I love honest, open mutual conversations with people who challenge me, but do not judge me. Our conversation was like that, as was our friendship. We used to spend lots of time together talking over coffee ... exploring some ot the big question about life, careers, relationships, and spirituality. We connected at a time we were both going through major life transition and were a major support system for each.. It was great to reflect some on the past, share where our path's had led, where we are today and where we are heading in the future. We talked about how life presents us with challenges and opportunities and how easy it is to lose focus, get distracted and get overwhelmed with life and lose touch with our purpose for being here. At one point, he noted that I seemed to be doing quite well, seemed to be sure of my purpose and was pretty focused on my path. Then he asked me how I got there. I told him I would put together some things that had helped me and send them along. Since yesterday's conversation, I've been thinking alot about my process over the years. I reflected back over my experiences and challenges that put me on the path to self discovery. I thought about how I discovered my purpose, how I've been able to follow my path. I've been thinking about how I am able to maintain my focus, direction and passion and about my goals for the future. Hmmmmm ... how did I get here ... happy, focused and on purpose? Although I've attended countless support group meetings, read 100's of books, explored dozens of philosphies, attended many classes and listened to many audio programs, the one thing that stands out above all the rest is my connection with Jack Canfield's Success Principle work. Specifically, for me, The Success Principle 30 Day Audiocourse. It is the best $99 I ever spent and the return on investment has been phenomenal! You can find it at: http://www.jackcanfield.com/cmd.php?Clk=4126724 It is a clear, concise, action oriented, step by step, powerful process to discovering your purpose, taking 100% responsibility for your life, goal setting, releasing limiting beliefs and harnessing the power of the Law of Attraction. The Success Principle 30 Day Audio Course literally transformed my life! In addtion, this work has connected me with a community of resources and people who support me both personally and professionally. I am now using The Success Principles in all my work with teens, adults, groups and organizations ... helping others transform their own lives, their school, work, home, financial, relationship, recreational and spiritual environments, discover the power of inspired action and the Law of Attraction while reaching their goals and literally create the life of their dreams. Jack is a master teacher, storyteller, mentor and coach. I am grateful for his work and the impact it is having on my life and the lives of everyone I connect with! And I am grateful for a wonderful conversation with my friend, that helped me reflect back over the years and validate that I am right where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing! Feel free to connect with me if you have any questions, need more information or would like to talk about how we can work together! |
Transition on Purpose
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